Is it really a whole lot to ask that my boyfriend and I are “In a relationship” on Facebook?! Just sayin. Idgaf that it’s “personal information”. Boo, you whore.

Why do I care? Is that pathetic? I just want bitches to respeconize.

REALLY COOKIE MONKEY?! So I close in 30 minutes and the stupidass delivery people just got here with all of our shit. Are you kidding me?! Thanks a fuckload idiots, now I have to package and put away everything and then close my shop. HATE YOU FOREVER.
Love,
SUPER PISSED OFF BARISTA. 

=( : Just felt the need to blog about my job today, I swear to Gertrude, the Patron saint of Cats that I am a damn magnet for weirdos. Not all of these accounts only happen to me, but sometimes people lay on the creep extra thick for me.

-Creepy car dealer? Oh damn this guy gets me every single time. 
Appearance: Fire crotch, rather short, bearded, the type that would wear a dickie.
Drink: FF, SF, Vanilla Latte 16oz.
Creep factor: ALWAYS pulls up way too far away and gets out of his car to come order his drink. He always just… Watches as I make it. I’m always polite to say ‘have a good day!’ and all he ever says is ‘yep’… Smh, dick.
Bonus: Once came wearing a cut off t-shirt and short shorts. His pasty ass was even creepier. 

-Creepy hand grabber. Always a bitch, tbQh.
Appearance: Like a bulldog. Always wearing sunny g’s, old, black hair.
Drink: Blended mocha, 12oz.
Creep Factor: Just today as she was trying to pay me for her drink, (this makes me shudder just re-envisioning it) she grabbed my hand and held her money in it for WAY too long and then smiled at me… this is not okay.

-Creepy flasher
Appearance: 30’s, tan, skinny, brown hair, cargo shorts and no top.
Drink: Fuck if I remember, I was scared for life
Creep Factor: Seemed like a normal dude until I tried to hand him his drink and he tried to hand me an eyefull of his PENIS. This guy had a full on BONER just chillin’.
Bonus: Jk, there is no way this could be creepier. 

-Creepy teeth dude
Appearance: Red hair, horrible grayish fucked up teeth, inbred face, snub nose.
Drink: 1 Blended white mocha, 20oz. 1 Blended mocha, 20oz.
Creep Factor: Always gives lingering glares and once asked me why I dyed my beautiful red hair to black and then drove away and said ‘Bye gorgeous’. Now listen, this would all be okay if only he wasn’t exuding the most creepy vibes of all time.

-Creepy dump truck guy
Appearance: Beady eyes, salt and pepper hair, small mouth, the voice of the old man in love with Chris from Family Guy.
Drink: SF Blended mocha, 24oz.
Creep Factor: Well, as earlier stated he has the motherfucking most unsettling voice of all time. Every time that he comes, he walks up to the window which gives me the creeps as it is, but he always says hi (giggles) I’m (so & so) WHICH I ALREADY KNOW. Anywho, the whole time that I am making his drink he is making these weird mMMmmMMMmm noises like he is pleased by what he see’s. idk. So gross. 

So anyway, now that I have just received all of this shit, I don’t even have time to write something positive, WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE BECAUSE I AM NOT FEELING POSITIVE ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

Just wondering if anyone knows a good place to download kindle books? I know there was a post a while back on ONTD that someone commented saying they knew of a good place, but it was ~secret~ or some shit and she was just messaging people with the link. So if anyone knows could you message me?! I would appreciate it SO much!!!

tyfyt! xo

Fuck dumb bitches who come to my coffee shop all snobby and ask “is it still $2 Tuesday?” then proceed to hand me a motherfucking LIST of coffees that they want, all in 20oz sizes. I’m sorry but, you are not a regular customer and you come here just to get your clusterfuck of cheap-ass drinks and then don’t tip me even a quarter?! HELL NAW, BITCH. GTFO OF MY DRIVE-THRU B4 I REACH THROUGH THE WINDOW AND SLAP YOUR ASS.

=( : Today, I went to the orthodontist. It has been several years since I have been there, and today… I was instructed to wear my hawley retainer ALL DAY, EVERYDAY for 4 weeks. Yeah, that one. The one with the metal bar across your teeth. I’m 22,not 11. So in order to get my teeth back to the beautiful straightness that they once were, he had to sand down a couple of my teeth down and create gaps. NOW I AM A GAPTOOTHED LOSER WITH A RETAINER. My teeth hurt like a bitch and I am out of Diet Coke. Kill me now.

=) : This is happy/sad. So, a lovely person from ONTD found my poor sad ridiculous rant about how I will never get accepted to the community and was nice enough to help me out =) SOON I SHALL BE ACCEPTED IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO, I hope I’m not shunned for having a retainer.

I’m trying to get back to my old blog format, please forgive me for I am very lazy.

=( : Last night, one of my best friends betrayed me. We get together quite frequently and most of the time, everything goes just fine! But last night… My friend red wine turned on me. Like Judas to Jesus; that asshole screwed me over, turning a pleasant evening into a estrogen-fueled, tear-laden, babbling hot mess. When I have had a little too much to drink, sometimes it just doesn’t matter what I am saying or thinking. My brain abandons ship, I pick something to be mad about, and goddamnit, I stick to it. So long story short, when I have had 7 glasses of wine… It’s best to just ignore me because you’ll have to deal with my embarrassing, insecure, annoying whining about absolutely nothing that I actually give a fuck about. Oh, but I’ll try so hard to convince you that I do.

=): So here’s what makes me feel a tiny bit better about my previous nights word vomit- THIS SONG IS AMAZING AND ONE OF THE BEST OF ALL TIME.

xo, Cait.

      
Before I drank way too much and unleashed my crazy on him.

So, it has been brought to my attention that my blog is actually missed. This is quite the surprise for little old me, but it seems that people love reading about others misfortune. SO HERE I AM, MAKING MY GRACIOUS RETURN, GRACING YOU WITH MY INTERNET PRESENCE AND HORRIBLE LUCK. (And caps lock). 

Where should I begin? Because honestly, I have had a shithole of a month. FUCK YOU, AUGUST AND YOUR ABUSIVE WAYS. I think that I sort of unconsciously forgot about a few of the minor incidents that occurred during that hellish month, but here are the highlights: (Let me rewind to Monday, July 18th)
-Take my car to the shop because it feels like an earthquake when I start it. When I pick it up, $130 to “fix” it.
-(FF to August 3rd) Take my car back to the shop because I have been stranded a minimum of 6 times on the side of I-84 due to my car overheating.
-A week and $800 dollars later I get my car back. Apparently my head gasket was warped, stupid. 
-So I go to DEQ to get my new tags and shit, that’s $146. So I’m all: “OKAY, CAR. YOU ARE DONE FUCKING WITH ME, NOW: I have put a million-ish dollars into fixing you, I will try and make you look pretty”. Keep in mind I drive a 2000 Chevy Malibu… So I spend $80 on fancy Hello Kitty shit to deck it out.
-THREE DAYS LATER, my car says ah haha, fuck you, Caitlin! Just driving along I-84 to work and wtf is that noise? OH, JUST MY TIRE SHREDDING NBD! $200 dollars later I have new front tires.
-On top of this, my tragus piercing is infected, I have also gained a few pounds, thought I was pregnant AND I stubbed my toe.

So, if anyone wants to go ahead and swap lives with me idk, just let me know ;) You can have all of it except for my sexy boyfriend. 

Alrighty, switching gears. Even on my worst days, I enjoy looking at these delicious men, it cheers me up

HERE’S TO HOPING THAT SEPTEMBER IS BETTER, YES?

Thanks for stopping by, bb’s.

xo, Cait.